What I Am Angry About…

In English class today, we had to write down our answers for three questions that were asked today. Question number 1 asked, “What makes you mad or angry about what your parents do?” I answered “It makes me mad that my parents don’t tell me anything, ever, and I also hate it when they are super grouchy and aggressively telling me to do things.” It’s true. I always feel as if my parents don’t tell me anything, and that’s maybe why I don’t know really know them all so well. I feel as if I don’t have the connection that I’m supposed to have with them as I do with friends or my other relatives. Maybe it’s because they’re so old fashioned Asian parents, or at least my dad is. Maybe that’s why he expects too much, and always thinks that he’s right about everything. My mom, on the other hand, is more Americanized, and I can talk to her more freely and comfortably. I’m able to express my opinions and desires more so with my mom, because I am sorta more afraid of what my dad has to say and just more afraid of his negative thoughts in general.

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The second question was ,”What makes you angry about school or this school?” I answered “Something that makes me angry about this school is that some teachers are overly too dramatic about things, like if a student did something the teacher doesn’t like.” That makes me really angry when teachers really are just a tad dramatic. I’m pretty sure some students don’t mean to do what they did. Okay, this really ties in with my chem teacher, I mean he is really overly strict and cautious about everything. There was a time when a student forgot to bring his calculator to class, and my chem teacher went all wild about how he forgot it. I think It’s not really worth embarrassing a student in front of the whole class just because the student forgot the calculator for maybe one day. It happens sometimes, and it should be OKAY. Sheesh.

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The third question was, “What are you angry about yourself?” I actually had to think about this question for a second. I answered “I am angry that I can be really lazy to do things, or that I can’t let go sometimes, or I that I can’t accept change.” Everything in my life is changing so much, and sometimes I just feel like crying and I just can’t simply handle it. “Things aren’t going to be how it used to be.” At this point, I’m believing it right now. There is no going back. Well, I seem to be handling things just fine, I have to hang in there. I have some little things that I do enjoy to get my mind off of things, such as TV shows HA, and recently, drawing.

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Ohh, Penelope you and I.

Then, there were the questions of “What are you going to do about it?” Honestly, I had an even harder time answering those questions. Everything I wrote down is hard enough to think about as it gets, let alone DOING SOMETHING about it. I answered “I just have to deal with it” or “I’m just going to have to accept that about myself.” They were pretty negative answers, but I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do about it.

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How It Used to Be

We all have (or did have) that one friend that we’re close to. We talk to that person almost everyday about weird things, things that maybe other people won’t understand, which makes it special. And then suddenly, things change. People experience new things, meet new people, and “change.” I don’t really think people really “change.” I believe that they still have the same views as before, and think the same things as before. I believe that, they just changed how they act. I remember a Facebook status a few years ago stating “People change, get over it.” Yeah, yeah, we were still in middle school. Or an ask.fm anon saying “Wow, you’ve changed” and the person replying with, “Yeah, people change.” See, they DO know that they’ve changed. They’ve just decided to change how they are towards people. You know you can’t do anything about it. If that’s the way are, that’s the way they will be. WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS, AND THAT…

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Life goes on, and maybe someday other situations will be worse to deal with. We’ll all go our separate ways, and things will carry on from there.

Life is as funny as it gets.

No, Not Now, Life

It all started the summer before sophomore year. I feared change. I didn’t know how I would handle things anymore. I moved to a different house with my mom, and suddenly, everything before me has changed. My perspective on life has changed so drastically, that I feel as if something about me has also changed. In fact, what the HECK did I even think about before all this, in terms of life? I fear the future. I fear it more than spiders, ghosts, or anything else. Once I’m 18, I’m on my own. I have the FREEDOM to do anything I want. But what would I do? How am I to handle myself, my adult status? I can’t help but imagine the summer before college. After college, I get a job, then what? I’d have to work for the rest of my 30-40 years of life! I also have this fear of being just like my parents. After everything that’s going on, I realize how messed up their thinking is, about everything. Well, not everything.

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