No, Not Now, Life

It all started the summer before sophomore year. I feared change. I didn’t know how I would handle things anymore. I moved to a different house with my mom, and suddenly, everything before me has changed. My perspective on life has changed so drastically, that I feel as if something about me has also changed. In fact, what the HECK did I even think about before all this, in terms of life? I fear the future. I fear it more than spiders, ghosts, or anything else. Once I’m 18, I’m on my own. I have the FREEDOM to do anything I want. But what would I do? How am I to handle myself, my adult status? I can’t help but imagine the summer before college. After college, I get a job, then what? I’d have to work for the rest of my 30-40 years of life! I also have this fear of being just like my parents. After everything that’s going on, I realize how messed up their thinking is, about everything. Well, not everything.

How do I make friends in college? Aren’t college classes supposed to be like AP classes? I’m so not ready for that. When is this dating business going to kick in? Am I too sheltered or what? Oh gosh, you might think I’m some kind of loony for this kind of attitude of this post. Also, why does democracy have to be so messy? I’ve got one side that are all liberal, and the other so conservative. I hate politics. It messes with our minds. It even messes up friendships and families. I hate that. After high school, my friends and I will have to go our separate ways, and then I’d have to start finding the rest of my life. Creating a new life outside of high school. Am I getting too personal? You’re probably thinking that. All I know is, it feels really darn good to be letting this all out. I know, really deep stuff here.

Oh, and have a very Happy Thanksgiving!!

When I grow old and reflect what I thought about as a teenager, I might just laugh about it.

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